No Hidden Invoice

If I love you, that love starts with me.

I’ve been thinking about that.

How real love, for me, is not a trade. It’s not a quiet transaction where I give and secretly hope to be paid back in attention, approval, reassurance, or matching energy.

It’s a choice.

Yes, love should be mutual in a relationship. Yes, care matters both ways. But there is something honest and grounding about knowing that the love I give is mine to give. It comes from who I Am, not just from what I get in return.

I love being kind.
I love being thoughtful.
I love being considerate.
I love giving a hug, bringing something small, making space, paying attention.

I love loving.

And if I’m honest, there is a selfishness in that, but not the harmful kind. More like… I love who I am when love is flowing through me freely. I love the warmth of it. I love the softness of it. I love that it keeps me connected to the best parts of myself.

Some people make love feel difficult, forced, or confusing.
Some people make it feel natural.

When it’s real, loving them feels easy. Not shallow. Not careless. Just true. Like something in me recognizes something in them.

That doesn’t mean I expect nothing from relationships. It just means my love is not built on control. I don’t want to love from a place of scorekeeping. I don’t want every act of care to come with a hidden invoice.

If I love you, I want it to be clean.
Sincere.
Chosen.
Free.

And if I love you once, truly, some part of that love remains. Maybe the relationship changes. Maybe the access changes. Maybe the rhythm changes. But once I have seen the beauty in someone’s humanity, that doesn’t just disappear.

I can love and still have boundaries.
I can love and still choose myself.
I can love and still be honest about what I need.

But I don’t want to become hard just because love has been complicated.

I want to remain someone who can love well.

And I think that, in itself, is a blessing.

I Remain,

Someone who can love well.