Random Observation #7,842,003,491,226

People have been peopling lately. I'm not sure if my antennae are just up or if the behavior is genuinely escalating, but either way I've started writing things in my Things I give a fuck about notebook.

I've been at the YMCA for a year now. Every Monday, every Friday, 4:45 in the morning, before most people's alarms have even considered going off. Over time you learn names, you learn routines, you watch people in their rawest form; sweaty, half-awake, moving their bodies through the dark. Same thing at the office. I know the security guy by name. I know which concierge keeps peppermints at the desk. I know the cleaning staff who make the building function, quietly and without applause, before most people arrive. We have an understanding.

And when I run into any of those people outside of those spaces, it doesn't get quieter between us. It gets louder. Hugs. Genuine warmth. Like bumping into a cousin at the grocery store. The context changes but the recognition doesn't.

Now. My peers.

The people I share a professional orbit with; titles, floor access, strong opinions about conference room etiquette... you'd think they'd be the ones most likely to wave. And sometimes they are. But more often than I'd like to admit, those are exactly the people most likely to discover something very urgent on their phone the moment I enter their peripheral vision.

I've catalogued the moves. The Sudden Phone Pull, where the phone wasn't out a second ago but becomes immediately essential. The Overhead Gaze, where the middle distance gets fascinating very fast. The Aggressive Walk-Through, which is less about speed and more about intent. And my personal favorite: the Almost-Nod, where some muscle memory nearly fires and then just doesn't.

What's funny is I don't think it's about me specifically. I think it's about what some people believe, consciously or not, about who is worth seeing. And there's something quietly revealing about the fact that the people who never make me feel invisible are the ones that certain folks would consider beneath acknowledgment.

The effort required to perform the unsee is genuinely greater than just saying hi. Which means somewhere, a choice was made. And the people with the least institutional reason to choose me keep choosing me anyway.

That part hasn't stopped being interesting.

I Am